The Cornist Junta of Cartorian Empire is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Brigadier General Corndon Longley with an iron fist, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, ubiquitous missile silos, and sprawling nuclear power plants. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 13.266 billion Cartorians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kartorograd. The average income tax rate is 72.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Cartorian economy, worth a remarkable 1,565 trillion C-Marks a year, is quite specialized and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 118,002 C-Marks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Squeaky high prepubescent voices recite the patriotic poem "Hail to The Leader!" before each meal, whole-wheat loaves are sold under the counter in brown paper bags, the nation's new foreign policy of 'very disproportionate retribution' has its neighbors on edge, and the nation is completely gun-free. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cartorian Empire's national animal is the Cartorian Grizzly, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities, and its national religion is Cornism.

Cartorian Empire is ranked 265,945^th in the world and 276^th in KAISERREICH for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring -8.94 on the Clooney Contribution Index.